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Fall 2000/Spring 2001 quotes:

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Left claw north, right claw Brian!" - Brian, 5/17/01

Brian: "I don't have a big Pope hat though."
Christine:
"Nor a sucky tail." - 5/16/01

Christine: "Money falls into Sbrian's lap all the time."
Brian:
"Too bad women don't." - 5/16/01

Christine: "Me and my obliviality!"
Andy: "I had that removed when I was younger."

"I just had the scariest experience of my life! today- I bought a fish!" - Mary Beth, 5/15/01

"Nicole, don't ever get hard or Dante will spit you out." - Mary Beth, 5/15/01

Brian: No more space shows!
Bill:
Yeah, if there's no nudity I don't like space shows! - 5/13/01

**Quotes from Bill's first trip to Wegman's, 5/13/01**
"Wait a second...Candyland?! The Beer Room?! Holy shit, this place is heaven!" - Bill

"I feel like a beer. No really. I feel as if I am a beer." - Bill in The Beer Room

"Mmm... Bi-Foam..." - Andy

**End of Wegman's Quotes"

JJ - Up to yours (meaning your room), Brian?"
Brian
- Did you just say "Up yours?" - 5/11/01

" Oh, this bulge in my pants is yours. What did I just say?!?!" - Andy (to Brian) - 5/11/01

Nicole: So much went in!
Bill:
And not much came out! - 5/10/01

Bill: I don't like V-8 because I don't like not knowing what I'm drinking.
Andy:
I'm sure it tells you what's in it.
Bill (very sadly, bowing his head):
Yeah, but I can't read. - 5/10/01

Brian: Did you see Ilya's self portrat?
Bill:
The one of the big woman? - 5/10/01

Bill: People's instincts are usually wrong.
Nicole: I thought they were usually right.
Bill: Yeah, you know what? They usually are. I guess just my instincts are usually wrong. - 5/6/01

**Quotes from frat night 5/5/01**
Crackhead Lady On The Street: Excuse me, are you guys niggaz?
Dante: No
Crackhead Lady On The Street: Yes you are.
Dante: OK!!!!!!!!!

Bill: Have you ever noticed how many stores around here are owned by "Dick"?
Nicole: There are a lot of Dicks in this area.

Nicole: "When my grandmother saw how high the bill was she told the plumber to "go scratch".
Luis: "I think there's a noun missing there!"

"Go scratch a busdriver." - Nicole
**End of quotes from frat night**

"You talking to Romel? Ask him what time he wants to go out with me?" - Brian, 5/4/01

Andy: "Quick! Someone blow in her nose, close her mouth and hold one ear!"
Romel: "Um... that's the strangest way i've heard of solving anything." - 5/3/01

Romel: "Hee hee! it looks like you just wet your pants!"
Alana: "well...." (Ties shirt around waist)
Brian: "Haha! now it looks like you're trying to hide the fact that you wet your pants!!" - 5/3/01

**Quotes from Friendly's 4/28/01**
"I was afraid that I was gonna be just lying there frothing at the mouth with strawberries all around me, like AAAHHH!" - Bill

"When I was little, I came here once, and got a big sundae. And I coudln't finish it. True story." - Bill

"I have the body of a whale, and the head of a dolphin." - Bill

"Oh, what I'd give to puke on Harrison Ford." - Bill
**End of quotes from Friendly's.**

"I have to admit, I feel a bit self concious that the King of Fairies wears a black leather trenchcoat." - Brian, 4/28/01

Ilya: "...not that I have anything against feminists."
Christine: "Well, militant feminists kinda scare me"
Ilya: "That's because they're mostly dykes. Not that I have anything against lesbians. I think they're sexy." - 4/28/01

Christine: "All Phillipinos can dance!
Ilya: Yeah, that and they sell young aids infected boys into prostitution." - 4/28/01

"Does anyone want a knife?" - One who shall remain namless, 4/27/01

"Which way are we going in?" - Jonida 4/26/01

"I feel strange when I don't have a dick in my mouth!" - Andy 4/26/01

"You should get a bunch of Kindergarteners because they don't mind licking each other's things." - Jonida, 4/26/01

"My friend Bobby has an illegal hamster in his room." - Jonida, 4/25/01

Andy: "Do you get it?"
Brian: "Do I care?" - 4/25/01, no explaination

"And it was in my pants, so it shook the whole way up." - Brian 4/20/01

**Quotes from Chi Chi's, 4/20/01**
"Um... counting money. What does it look like I'm doing with my hands fidgeting with my crotch under the table?" - Brian

"Let's face it, we're all going to sit here with our fingers in our wallets." - Charlie

"Now, I realize that the Ghostbusters aren't real, but I want to be one when I grow up." - Bill

"You guys always wait till I put something in my mouth before.... I'm not even going to finish that." - Brian

"Always think before you open your mouth- you never know what's going to come out, or go in." - Andy

"Because vagina is a nice way to say penis." - Brian

Nicole: "It would never work! You say Tomato (toe-mae-toe) and I say Tomato! (toe-mah-toe)"
Dante: "Yeah, you say poopie and I say squirrel."

"That's like when I discovered Dr. Pepper." - Bill

"Can you imagine a restaurant that had ketchup instead of Salsa? That would be a sad restaurant." - Bill

"You don't see enough mushrooms in drinks. No Really, There's not enough fungus in beverages." - Bill
**End of Chi Chi's quotes**

"Some of the most beautiful songs have been written in German. Like Beethoven. Especially the ones without any words." - Jonida, 4/19/01

**Quotes from The Rat, 4/15/01:**
"My strategy is to avoid hitting the balls at all costs" - Bonnie

"If only those were my balls!" - Brian
*End of Rat quotes*

"Why am I a Muppet!?!?." - Christine, 4/12/01

**Quotes from Applebee's, 4/12/01**
Christine - "Fried to perfection. What did you think I said?"
Andy - "Fried erection."

"Did you say strawberry flavored Mexican?" - Jess

"Oh, it's the midgets. That's what did it." - Bill

Bill - "I loved it so much I went to the bathroom"
Andy - "...to love it some more."

"...And then I got a green lollipop. That was the bestest day!" - Bill

"You know what the worst job in the world would be? The guy who puts holes in Swiss Cheese." - Bill
**End of Applebee's Quotes**

"Hey! Does anyone have any tounge depressors!?!?!?" - Bill bursting into Dante's room in a panic, 4/8/01

Nicole - "Shervis is slow."
Dante - "What, is he retarded or something?" - 4/7/01

"They had fucking...they had every kind of fucking..." - Ilya, 4/06/01

"I dooed. I did. I had one Guinness." - Bill, 3/31/01

"I'm a cold ho." - Christine, 3/31/01

**Quotes from IHOP 3/30/01**
Romel: "Where did you get the term projectile vomiting?"
Tom: "um... my mother...That was my nickname as a child. I hit the busdriver from three seats back."

"I"ve learned from experience- you don't put wet things in your pocket." - Tom

"You were awake when I did it!" - Jonida
**End of IHOP quotes**

"He's the one who taught me the Drimpsons Sinking game." - Brian, 3/28/00

"We used buy apes" - Dante, 3/28/01

"I don't know what a girl looks like in a guy." - Bill, 3/25/01

"We are love man" - Brian and Christine's random message on Tom's refrigerator, 3/21/01

"I'm not really into femals. I mean, musically." - Brian, 3/23/00

"Heh heh heh...Banana." - Dante, 3/20/01

"That woman...is like...a nazi...with abs." - Nicole, out of breath, 3/20/01

"At Christmas time my family and I sit around in our thongs and sing carols." - JJ, 3/19,01

"What's a brisket? Does it have a tail?" - Bill, 3/18/01

"What, you wanna sign my ass?." - Christine, 3/14/01

"Hi! Thanks! Hi!" - Christine, 3/14/01

"El Nino! " - Maura, 3/14/01

"It looks like the laundry room is eating black people tonight." - Andy, 3/5/01

"Hey, this may look like a prison compound, but let's not start acting like it's one." - Ilya, 3/2/01

"Am I to understand that I can use this bag to get free popcorn?" - Brian, 3/2/01

"Because if there's one thing men are good at, it's dodging giant snowflakes." - Brian, 3/2/01

"I have really small hands. If I was a guy, I'd be plucked. Well, no, I wouldn't, that would be the problem..." - Christine, 2/28/01

Jonida: "Men just are always horny"
Christine: "It works both ways. Women are just better at handling themselves. Wait a minute..." 2/28/01

**Road trip, 2/24/01**
"We should rent apes!" - Bill, twirling his finger in the air

"Don't make me get out of this car and do a jig for you!" - Dante
**End of road trip quotes**

"Sounds like Pinnochio is getting a beating" - Bill, 2/23/01

If I ever met a girl named Lana I'd have to say to her, 'Hey, did you know your name spelled backwards is Anal?" - Bill 2/23/01

Dante: "Considering your head is on both her nipples"
Bill: "Yeah, too bad its not my real head" 2/23/01

**China Buffet, 2/22/01**
"I have a mangled green testicle" - Tom

"Whevever I think of the Simpsons and testicles..." - Brian

Christine: "I don't know whose hands are on me at any given time."
Brian: "What else is new?"

Andy: "If you were a guy he'd love you."
Dante: "What?"
**End of China Buffet quotes**

"And since I don't feel comfortable when I'm wearing my pants..." - Jonida, 2/20/01

"There is no sex involved if used correctly" - Tom, 2/14/01

"They were big and scary and had poofy jackets!" - Mary Beth, 2/13/01

Brian: "Woofer."
Christine: "Woof."

"Do you have one of those pigeon breasts?" - Bill, 2/1/01

"When I hit my head on the beam, I don't go into my discount" - Andy misquoting Jon Stewart, 1/29/01

"Oh, there's my banana" - Sleeping Naked Mike, 1/25/01

"Moink." - Jess 12/17/00

Dante: "Sounds like something is loose on your car."
Brian: "Something's always loose when I'm around.......I have no idea what that means.", 12/17/00

"Fuck you, I'm driving!" - Brian, 12/13/00

"I'm going to sleep. Now. (drops to floor)" - Brian 12/12/00

**Quotes from IHOP 12/15/00**

"Oh no, his head is soggy!" - Brian in response to the paper napkin bird that drank too much coffee

"I've worked with pickle dealers" - Jess

The movie was like sleep so now we think its yesterday." - Brian

**End of IHOP quotes**

"Heineken is so fattening!" - Christine as she looks at a container of Hagen Das, 12/15/01

**Quotes from Denny's, 12/13/01**

"Woah, you're John Denver, and you're tickling me" - Bill 12/11/00

"I once survived an entire weekend without straws" - Bill in all seriousness

"Send any tomatoes back that are ticking" - Bill

"I spun your dreidle!" - Brian to Andy, 12/13/00

**All-Nighter, Digman Study Lounge 12/6/00**

"Would you sit down and work and stop being a yak?" - Andy

Brian: "What finals do you have?"
Christine: "Art history" **
Brian: "Did you say Ass Chair?"

"You are smelly man-repellant" - Brian

**End of All-Nighter quotes**